HOW IT ALL BEGAN

Several years back, in 2006 or so, I had a conversation with my husband about something trite and when I asked him about it, he responded, “I never told him.” Hhmm. I swore I had. He must have tuned me out or didn’t hear me. His answer hit home like a ton of bricks: “You must’ve had that conversation with yourself, because you never had it with me.” Really? I chalked it up to husbands and didn’t give it much thought. Until the next time. And then the next time. And a pattern began to emerge.

He was right (he’s right a lot). For years I’d been having conversations in my head, like when you talk to yourself, think things over, mull them around. I was actually living life alone in my head. It was the place I would re-craft my thoughts if they needed it, converse with my inner self and live quietly in my little world, getting through the day—my way, the same as many of you have come to know. For years I took a backseat while doing the right things for my family and my voice went silent. As a mom, everyone else’s interests come ahead of your own and I took the back seat. That’s what moms do. No worries, though. But I went into my head and there I stayed, poking out comments occasionally as the mood would suit me.

Once I acknowledged it and accepted that I let so much of my life slip away, I started to wake from the deep sleep coma that had become my life, and knew my only way back was to out what was on my mind and in my heart, with less concern about awkward outbursts and more concern that I come home. I said what I believed, what I thought when I thought it, regardless of what others would think because sometimes outbursts of bottled up aggression don’t always delivery as intended. It took some time, and I’m still working on it. These days it’s for different reasons!

For way too long, I’d been asleep, and in my late forties, going through menopause none the less, it wasn’t in my best interest to carry crappy baggage from the past into what I wanted to be my very bright future.

About that time, in 2007, I started growing complacent with my work. Corporate creative service work allows little room for individuality. So I decided, I’ll create my own magazine and be the key decision maker! It was just what the doctor ordered. I lit up inside and out. Finally in the drivers seat after all these years. At a time when many of our lives had become less recognizable, there seemed a need for feel-good stories—positive in, positive out. The kinds of stories that rouse our inner spirit and renew our faith in humanity. Even network news was catching on, adding positive stories into program segments.  My goal was to make people feel great when it was delivered. Maybe they’d save it for a quiet time of their own, under the shade of a tree or with a glass of wine on the couch. Whatever floated their boat. And always moved by this Patanjali quote that seemed more appropriate than ever:

When you are inspired by some great purpose,

some extraordinary projects,

all your thoughts break their bonds;

your mind transcends limitations,

your consciousness expands in every direction

and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world.

Dormant forces, faculties and talents come alive,

and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

I named the magazine Dormant Forces, as I was living a life that went dormant. And since it was mine, Dormant Forces it was: a magazine where the ideas we have deep down inside could be brought into the open, bestowed on friends, enjoyed by loved ones and digested in the spirit of a wonderful meal shared in good company.

Now, be careful what you ask for. The magazine was distributed to a short list of friends with rave reviews. But life, as it often goes, got the better of me and Dormant Forces did just what it was supposed to do—went dormant.

In its infancy, Mental Messages was the silent strategy used for our small marketing and design firm with the tagline: “it all begins with the seed of an idea.” Projects were conceived with a positive outcome at the root of every endeavor and eventually MM grew up into a real, live consultancy with smart programs and inspirational products.

In 2009 Dormant Forces was reformatted as Mental Messages, with the thought of releasing it to a brand new audience. Even though the market cried for it, my heart just wasn’t in it. And last fall, prior to Jay and Jen getting the call to go to Malibu, I was so fed up with service work I doubted I ever wanted anything to do with the design of EVER AGAIN!

Well, delays haven’t been denials, and it seems that the magazine and all things Mental Messages is exactly what the universe has ordered for me. After taking time for myself, this endeavor resides with me like the ying to my yang, the blue of my sky and the love in my heart. Wishing this journey the very best from my inner soul. And after all of this, if it’s not meant to be, SO BE IT!

But I don’t think so.